You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
