Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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