I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I currently don't understand fingers.
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