I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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