i think my mom watched the whole time
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
