I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize