i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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