You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize