Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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