It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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