I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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