i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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