No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
