Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i will never coherently bang her
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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