Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
