I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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