I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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