Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
