Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
