i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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