oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
