So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
