You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
