Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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