I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
