I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize