Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
