youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
