why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize