OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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