Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The feeling are messing with the penis
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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