We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
