i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
