it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize