wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
third nipple confirmed
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
