we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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