i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
