Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
