It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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