my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
