drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
