i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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