I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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