did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
