You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So squirting runs in the family.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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