I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
