I accidentally burped into my bong.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
time to smoke my breakfast
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
