During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
