and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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