yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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