So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
