I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
