i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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