i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
