So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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