we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
