My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
