It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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