So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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