i will never coherently bang her
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
