unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
