You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
