the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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