When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
