tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize