no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
