I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
