Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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