i permit you to call me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
