that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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