I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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