He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
