Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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