It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
