I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize