I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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