Where is the hickey?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
