I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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