Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
