I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
there's paper in my vomit.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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