That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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