Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
