you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
