Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
