At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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