so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
third nipple confirmed
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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