I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
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