The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
