Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
try to milk me bitch
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
