Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
