I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
