so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize