I wish I could teleport
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
