you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
