i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
