she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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