This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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