now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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