11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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