i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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